He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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