She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is my gift to your gina
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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