all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
