Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
