In the future we'll all be gay
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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