3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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