We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
