He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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