i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
