We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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