I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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