Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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