I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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