If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
