my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
