life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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