dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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