I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize