You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
