i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
