Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
