Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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