oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
