How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize