Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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