Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
