maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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