It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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