I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
