So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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