when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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