Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
