Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
