i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
