i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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