At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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