What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize