I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
