My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
