my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
