Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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