Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
