I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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