Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
