I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
