i permit you to call me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
