Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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