It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
