Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize