I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
