So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
