It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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