So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
