Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize