Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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