I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
