where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
