you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
