That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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