Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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