you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
