i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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