it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
