the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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