Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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