tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm both gender and math confused
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize