also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
