And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize