Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
