The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
