saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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