My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
