Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
