His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
