At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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