I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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