Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
