You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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