Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
