he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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