My boss' voice literally gives me gas
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
