got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
