i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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