sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
