I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
