Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
