do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
