...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
