Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
even my farts smell like vagina
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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