We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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